Your pet has a business trip over the weekend What human care instructions do they leave for you

Your pet has a business trip over the weekend What human care instructions do they leave for you

Dear human sitter,

While my human is easy to care for, I do try to keep a schedule for her.

  1. Make sure she wakes up in time. For some reason the alarm clock won’t go off for another couple hours.
  2. Make sure she knows to share her food, we want her to stay at a healthy weight.
  3. Make sure she takes you for a walk so she stays fit.
  4. This is really important! No matter how long she is gone, even if it is 5 minutes, always greet her like you haven’t seen her in forever. She is very sensitive and I think she gets separation anxiety.
  5. Always hog the bed and sleep so close she can’t move. I fear she is afraid of the dark.
  6. Make sure you tear things up, so she can pick them up. She needs to be kept preoccupied.
  7. Never let her go to the bathroom by herself.



  • Wen Big Buddy use the bath room it’s importint to make shurre he doesn’t fall in toylet! Pls sit outsyde bath room and make MEOws LOUD! Scratch the door and damand he lets you in! Vary important! Also don’t drink toylet water till Big Buddy flushes toylet otherwise the water has a funny taste.
  • Big Buddy not vary smart so you MUST reemind him when it is FOOD TIME!! Best way is to MEOWS LOUD and trip him! DEEMAND TURKEYS!
  • Big Buddy not vary smart so he takes junks that shood be on the floor and puts them in shelfes and other flat serfices. You MUST CLEEN UP aftur him by nocking this junks back on the floor!! It’s a FULL TIME JOB!!
  • Big Buddy not vary smart & sumtimes he gets hipnitized by glowing rectangle screen! WAKE HIM UP!!! Little Buddy climbs up desk an BLOCKS glow screen but I am so ripped so not all glowy screen is covered by my muscular body! You MUST move to BLOCK VEEW! Don’t let him be hipnitized!!!
  • Sumtimes a human female will come over. Little Buddy does NOT like her. She takes Big Buddy to MY room and closes the door. You MUST continue investergations! STAND OUTSIDE DOOR and MEOW MEOW MEOW until they opens it! Thru my investergatory efforts I am 146% possitive they RESTLE to see who is the strongest which is UBSURD becuz Little Buddy is the strongest! Look at how ripped I am!

(Picture of me showing how ripped I am. Don’t be intimidated.)

I’m the only reason she gets out for walks. Make sure you push her out the door. Because I’m not there to bark, she might be inclined to trust people walking past the front door—it’s up to you to protect her from the mailman and that poodle from up the street.


Meow meow!

(Hi there!)

Meow ow meo ew meow mew meow rooww ooow! Rooooww. Meeowww meeew eoow eeeeeoooew mewoo. Meow roowe. MEOE ME OEW. Meow meow meeeow.

Meow roooooouw MOW WOW meow owww reeoow meow mmeeow rrrrow ( meoooew mew mew owwww)

Meow mew!!!! Reeew meeew!! KERBY MEW


(Thank you so much for agreeing to check in on Momma over the weekend! She is very low-maintenance. I think you’ll have no problem at all. The place is stocked with her favorite foods and beverages-chocolate and coffee. There’s milk in the frig she uses in her coffee. Weekends are low-key. She sleeps in. It’s okay if She’s in her pj’s all day. All of us enjoy that. Just make sure she does at least ONE thing on her TO-DO LIST which is on the front of the refrigerator. If she doesn’t do something during the day she gets mad at herself.

Now she’s going to be REAL SAD that we aren’t there. We have a good routine going everyday so if you could hang around and keep her company that would be awesome. (Especially in the morning when she has her coffee).

Thank you!!! See you Sunday! KERBY-CAT)

Thank you for caring for humans. There are 2 of them, so it can be difficult.

It is impossible to keep them on the same schedule. You will have to wake my male human first (the female is impossible in the mornings!). He’s grumpy and sometimes difficult, but bouncing on his stomach or crotch usually does the trick. Then, you have to remind him that you haven’t been fed since the previous day. Loud yowls and leg circling usually gets his attention, then you can lead him to the cabinet with the cat food. He usually cleans the litter box without further reminder at that point.

The female will NOT crawl out of bed until she’s good and ready. I’ve given up. But, she seems to appreciate it if you crawl in bed with her after your breakfast and will allow snuggling.

During the day, you have to constantly serve as paperweight on their desks. Also, the desks need dusting with your tail almost daily; they are really messy.

The humans work well as soft laps during the day, but you have to convince them to sit on the couch or in a chair. This is not always easy. They seem to have a fascination with the screens on their desks that keep them there. Try walking in front of the screen periodically and waving your tail between them and the screen to break the fixation. I am concerned that if I didn’t do this, they’d never move and that can’t be good for them.

They never remember afternoon feeding time. You have to remind them, loudly and often. Sometimes it takes me a couple of hours before I can lead them to the cat food cabinet. The male usually does the actual feeding, but he is the most difficult to motivate. If you let the female know you want to be fed, she’ll make noise at the male and get him moving. Sometimes I consider just starting with her, but I’m not sure of their power hierarchy; I’m not sure they know which one is top human even though they’ve been together as long as I’ve known them! I figure it is best to at least give the male a chance to do this duty before enlisting the female to set him straight.

I try to stay out of their power struggles and let them work it out. However, sometimes, for no apparent reason, they start making loud noises at each other. I don’t think they would actually hurt each other (their teeth and claws look useless), but the noise is distressing. I’ve found that running from one to the other and assuring them that they are good humans and I love them seems to help in these situations.

Their cleaning and grooming habits are atrocious. As far as I can tell, they never lick their fur (little that they have) and never lick that bare skin of theirs. I have given up and taken on this task. You can get on the couch behind them to work on the head fur; just work on the rest as you can.

Bed time is a very confusing time for them. The male will go to bed first, but they will both try to fake you out by going in the bedroom earlier – then back out. When the male finally settles down, you need to tuck him in and snuggle him until he falls asleep, then you should go back to the living room to supervise my female.

The female seems particularly affectionate when she’s alone. Try to give her some time with you in her lap after the male goes to bed. It seems to help her relax enough to go to sleep. Then, when she finally goes to bed, she like to be snuggled until she can fall asleep. This takes quite a while some nights, but please be patient with her.

Thank you for caring for them. They are getting older, and grumpy, but I still love them.

The Old Fart is up and about at all hours of the night, so unless you are a heavy sleeper, bring an adequate supply of soporifics. It is his habit to get the “mommy” up with a flask of coffee, so you have no worries on that score. Mommy will give him breakfast at around ten or eleven in the morning and supper anywhere between seven and eight at night. They do not eat at any other times. Leave them to do whatever they decide during the day, as they discuss these activities and settle on a plan of action. They are very good at taking care of themselves and each other and should be left to their own devices. Should either of them show signs of malady or be injured in any way, don’t panic: they only consult doctors when they cannot fix whatever befalls them themselves, which may be as often as once every six or ten years.

As Old Fart sometimes sleeps for a few hours in the daylight hours, I suggest you stay as quiet as a mouse, as he has very sharp ears and can hear a moth fart in the next room, which brings him to full wakefulness in an instant, whereafter he will not return to bed until about midnight, when they both turn in. Depending upon whether he had two or three hours of sleep during the day, he will have two or four hours in the dark hours, but don’t bet on it as sometimes he forgets to sleep at all.

Help them if you see them struggling with anything, but at all other times stay out of their way.

You will be of greatest assistance if you help Mommy to see to it that Old Fart drinks enough liquids as he forgets and ends up dehydrated.

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It’s the weekend, so the lady of the house should be home, except for short hunting outings for food. The man of the house still appears to have longer “work” outings and he stubbornly refuses to keep the same schedule, so if it is getting late, make sure to voice your displeasure to the lady that he isn’t home yet: this usually results in some personal attention with pettings and assurances that he will be home soon.

When the humans have food, you must taste-test it. It is astonishing what they get into and try to eat! Tapping their leg helps to remind them. Sometimes they try to eat something all by themselves. If they won’t share or if they are eating something no proper cat would touch, make sure you watch them the entire time they eat to make sure they don’t die.

They sometimes don’t go to bed at the correct time. Pester them repeatedly until they get their naughty butts to bed. You will then have to cuddle them for a bit so they settle down. It’s a tough job, but someone has to do it! When you are sure they are snuggled in for the night, you can retire to your preferred sleeping area (preferably in the same room so you are close by for any emergencies).

Periodically, throughout the night, hop on to the bed to check on them. You should sleep with them for short periods to make sure they are sleeping ok. Do not walk on the man—he is cranky about bed checks—but if you walk on the lady, she will often stir to pet you as thanks for your care. I think she sometimes does this without waking.

Oh and don’t forget to remind them when they have not gone outside in awhile. It is important they get some fresh air. It is difficult to get them to stray far, so you might have to do perimeter checks on your own. When checking the perimeter, makes sure to give some choice insults to the neighbor dogs, if they are outside. They need to be reminded of their inferiority.

Before I return, please ensure that the humans have done their chores: I expect my dishes to be well-stocked and my bathroom area pristine.

Good luck; they are a challenging pair, but they understand a lot more than others give them credit for!

  • Be sure she gets walks, she acts crazy if she doesn’t get some exercise.
  • Keep her away from sugary food, she may try to sneak it.
  • She is addicted to Quora, you may have to hide her phone if you want her to pay attention to you.
  • She is attracted to other animals and babies, if this bothers you avoid taking her near them.

Thanks for the A2A! I’ll be using my friend’s cat for this answer.

A business trip? Hmm, what secret job have you not told me about, Mimi?

“Here are the instructions for human care.

There are some things you should know about this human. She is very clingy, because she tries to pet me every second. She is too eager for me to get on the bed with her. Although I love going on the bed, I only go on when she is asleep to make her feel bad.

Do not let this human trick you, once she pretended to sleep and once I got on, she started petting me. I like her sometimes, but make sure to randomly bite her hand and phone case to laugh at. After that though, you must snuggle with her. I do it because I feel bad for doing it.

Feed her only when she feeds you. Force her to feed you wet food or else you cannot give her food.

Follow her to the bathroom and stretch to make her smile. If you do not want to make her smile, get into her lap and then the second she lays a hand on you, leap off and never go on again.

She can basically do anything, so treat her as your slave. Ignore her when she calls you, you’re not a dog. However, do glare at her to show her you are smart enough to know your name or else she would train you and bribe you with treats.

Meow at the window until she lets you out, because I love going on the balcony. She’s loves collecting plants on the balcony. Whenever she comes home with a new plant sniff it and lie in it.

That is all you need to know about caring for the human.

Thank you,


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My human should get up by 7:35. If she isn’t moving close to that time, jump on her chest. Mew loudly. When she gets up, lead her to the kitchen and cry if the kibble bowl is empty. Sometimes cry at the refrigerator to make her give you some tablespoons of milk. After she eats, lead her upstairs to her bedroom. She’ll ride the exercise bike. When she gets dressed, lead her to the closet and she’ll give you some kibble.

Most of the day, you are free to sleep.

In the afternoon, lead her to the patio door. It’s good for her to get some fresh air, and when she loses track of you she’ll circle the house, getting exercise while looking for you.

At 5:45, one of you jump on her lap, messing up whatever she’s typing. The other cat should sit upright on the lamp table and stare hard at her. Eventually she’ll remember to open a can of Friskies and give each of you one-fourth of it.

Sleep some more. She enjoys it if you sleep in the family room while she watches T.V.

At 9:45 return to remind her it’s time to finish off the can of Friskies. Don’t give up if she’s not paying attention. Eventually she’ll remember her duty.

At 11 p.m. escort her to her room. Ask for five more pieces of kibble. It’s time for her to go bed and finally get some sleep. (Humans don’t usually sleep much during the day, for some reason.)

Don’t worry if she leaves the house. It’s usually only for a few hours, and she remembers where the house is.

Thank you for taking care of my cranky old human. Here are a few tips to make it as painless (for you) as possible.

NEVER be late with her food or she’ll get hangry. Not good!!!

Don’t try to make her watch soaps or reality tv, she’s likely to claw your eyes out.

If she is reading quietly, don’t keep trying to talk to her. The eye clawing thing again.

Never mention Manchester United. Not just eyes but jugular!

Chocolate will generally pacify her if you have done any of the above!(Apart from Manchester United. Then, you’re dead!)

  • Feed him 3 times a day with whatever he asks
  • If you have the time, play physical games with him
  • If you don’t have time to play games, give him PC and Xbox to self sustain
  • Make sure he’s asleep before 1 AM

  1. Make sure there are eggs and toast – she’ll be fine so long as there are eggs to eat and toast to put them on.
  2. Make sure she has access to clean water for the kettle and plenty of tea bags with just a dash of milk. No sugars, thank you.
  3. She won’t need much exercise, just a walk outside to visit the ice cream van when it turns up at 3pm daily. Oh yes, for which she will need £2 a day – I’ve left the cash in the “essentials” pot in the kitchen.
  4. If you are keen to give her treats, Porky Whites Traditional sausages (grilled) are her favourites.
  5. She will need access to the shower with shampoo each morning.
  6. Correction : “morning” could easily become “afternoon” as she likes her sleep.
  7. Don’t leave the radio on, she gets bad tempered with lots of noise around her.
  8. Don’t ever switch off the internet router. You wouldn’t like her without internet access.
  9. She won’t require company, she’s a good girl and enjoys her own company, although a tickle across her shoulders is often welcome.
  10. Good luck and if you have any questions, don’t ask us ‘cos we’re dogs and have no clue what you’re on about.